Saturday 10:06 pm the 2nd Of December 2016; An Emphoral Of Suffering Caused By Physically Hurting Myself Sexually

I sense as if everything was going out of control in myself, I sense as if my body was partially vanishing from this earthly existence and this universe was temporarily ending or what are known as „the laws of nature,“ as God was telling me if „you can’t have what you want to have at this moment, then everything will end only for you.“ Then a read a Bible verse in 2 Korinther of a very similar situation to mine of the flesh saying yes yes and no no; then the Bible states God answered „ja.“

This picture helped me to have a syncope I first saw this picture and read the Bible and I position to fall asleep and I didn’t noticed when I lost consciousness and I slept very deeply last night, I awakened about two time and I awoke, I awakened on another position on the bed from the original sleeping positions I fell asleep in. I felt something of grief again of my Aryan brothers but it felt as the same cage metaphor and I was then inspired to look at this picture to free myself from the cage with then I felt if I want complete freedom from the metaphor of the cage feeling then I should read the Bible which I did and fell asleep within minutes.

This picture of the Aryan man is er erkennt, this is the same Aryan man pictured at the picture immediately above this picture, which whom I dreamt a few days ago; I sense of him a God given sensitivity of which I sensed was taken advantage of, Perhaps er erkennt had his own version of the Armand because of the music video of „God Is on the move“ of the discovery of the rotton „spinal cord“ of the Armand at Vancouver, Canada of which ended the non existing fixation by Armand against me and eventually the Armand; as ugly as the ugliest demon of the gossipers code name for the Armand was „the most available homosexual bachelor,“ the Armand thus become suicidally psychotic with panic attacks of which some of the Armand clones died. I remember on early morning I verbally describ the manner to kill the Armand of which the Armand had a panic attack that I was to kill the Armand and the Armand died on the floor and „his“ face was covered. The Armand’s „body“ wasn’t removed from the shelter until clean up. A similar Judin it Armand was in the music video of „God Is on the move“  the „homosexual“ psychotic stalkers of the Armand occurred to every Aryan man on the North American continent.

God has blessed me by this Aryan man in the music video of „Greater“ by Mercy Me of know I am able to visualize love making with Katharina Schuttler.

This would be the three seconds of my crying I felt paralyzed by grief as if literally, if I were in a cage with barb fence and if I moved on my bed as if I would physically hurt myself but it wasn’t a panic attack but of a type of syncope of I couldn’t move and if I thought about physically moving on the mat or talk I then begun to feel deep loss of Katharina Schuttler but the deep loss felt more of what I would describe as an emotional block and physical block of not moving and it was only my soul which was deeply crying for many minutes of heavy breathing not I wasn’t crying with tears. When I feel deep loss like that I have a natural tendency to curl up and as self protecting myself to wrap my arms around myself and cover my eyes, so if I do cry, I may cry freely and not to worry to clean my face of the tears.

For about two hours I had drastic changes in emotions of repeating themselves as if 1 through 5 second and the stress of the emotions felt as if all frequent sounds were all on heard through all existence on a very loud level and repeating itself every 1 through 5 seconds.

This two times, of this type of emtional and physical response had commenced because I pushed myself to ejaculate or was very desperated to ejaculate which left me emotional vurneble.

I noticed again, I sense fear of Katharina Schuttler of romantic touching and now I am aware the reason is of hurt, hurt in knowing about too much sexual arousal causes severe chaos in my consciousness which results in the metaphor of a reboot and at those occasions it is required of by brain to get into a deep sleep where I have very minimal sensories.

This picture reminds me of the physical pain which results from being overly sexually aroused; for example, the Aryan man’s stomach may feel severe pain of too much weight, by the accumulated weight of the pubic muscles and the weight of the stomach muscles themselves and one sometimes sense as if were so simple to lift up the flesh my lifting pinching the muscles but no, the muscles maintain solidicity and heavy weight. I recently posted how part of the torso of skin has cat softness of fur, the flesh around the upper hip bone as normal softness of flesh where the exposed flesh of the man pictured of the flesh near the waist band of the pants. That is an Alexander Lapin part of the body, because of the protruding upper hip bone, if you hit something with it, the force is very much stronger than expected because I used to bumb my hip with my mom and she also fell and my mom was a strong physical woman and if this occurred with the Armand the Armand rotton „bones“ would brake, so the bumbing of the hips can be used as a deadly force to defend oneself from the Judin!!! What is scientifically fascinating of the hip bone, is the hip bone is a sort of primer such as I use the word primer for language for the „Rosetta stone“ of the hip bones are the prominent protruding bones in the hips in which you can trace and feel almost the entire bone structure of the pubic bone, that is how fatless I am with layers of muscles but if searched by pressing on the muscles one is able to feel the entire pelvis bone, including the junctions of bones of where the base of the penis into the body where inside the body the root of the penis is bone and if one traces the bones around with fingers, one is able to feel the lower part of the pelvis bone and the penis bone and I touched to sense the firmness of the bones the bones are solid in that I haven’t felt anything as solid as those bones and they do actually feel sharp in slight razor of shaving sharpness of which was very interesting because when I pressed the muscles tissues against the bones I didn’t feel pain of one would think a pain of minimal sense of sharp cuting would be sensed.

Masturbation for practicing to have sex; this picture reminds of the movie „Back to the Future“ of Marty playing an electric guitar on a oversized audio speaker and Marty set all the speaker’s volume levels to its maximum sets and Marty didn’t even play musical notes and simply stroked the guitar strings with the peck and the oversized speaker exploded; that is how it feels when one is desperate to ejaculate of over 1 inch of quantity of semen and eventually causes the requirement for one to become deeply unconscious
With the Judin Hermphrodite former obsession with their excrement it is much noticeable for Aryan Supremacist heterosexual men to have a constant desire of sexual tension being relieved by the pressure and flood like overwhelming pleasure of ejaculating as it does feel as you are fertilizing an egg of a woman’s ovum. Those sadomaschmists Judin can’t even formulate a conversation to describe the authentic pleasure of ejaculating to feel as the conception of a woman’s egg, because the Judin men sounds more as secreal killers‘ sarcasm while describing in direct sexual practices between a biological man and a biological woman
This picture reminded me of how I felt Saturday night, alone without the chance of conception that night

What is very ironically laughable is the fact of I have witnessed many non mankind inferior degenerate hermphrodite mestizin and Judin „men“ would committed suicide by preferring to die in the Nazi concentration camps than to comprehend „the Aryan Supremacist buttocks heterosexual stuff,“ I assume the sanctity of the mans‘ buttocks are literally to much to the demons inside the Judin men and mestizin men to handle which in turn these non mankind inferior degenerate Hermphrodite Judin and mestizin to kill themselves and praise the Lord God for His vengeance against the sadomaschmist Judin men and the sadomaschmist mestizin men.

 

his is how I felt last night, I felt trapped in a fence near a fish hatchery and the fancing has barb wires as the antlers are symbolic for; I can see God’s promise for my future wife Katharina Schuttler but I wanted Katharina Schuttler badly as I wept the most of I had in my life only a few seconds of much tears.  I didn’t feel in prison but it was the first time in my life of wanting my love of Katharina Schuttler with me that I can’t change my situation to be with her and I was totally submissive to God’s will which caused me much pain.

This morning Sunday 3 December 2016; sleet. Forecast for Bellingham is for snow Monday as two cold fronts are moving south. A cold front over eastern British Columbia and a low pressure storm east of the low over eastern British Columbia, the low west of the storm is over the Pacific ocean and is moving for to the southeast; however the low over eastern British Columbia is moving south south east. This has a potential but not a certainly of bringing in very cold air.

Yesterday at the masturbation session I did hurt myself, emotionally of this evening of feeling many emotions occurring in frequency until I thought of the cause of the much emotions and I noticed my butt muscles were small in mid section as the prior event before I become physically sick. Currently I have never felt so much sorrow as if to cry hysterically because I sense as if I were placed in a barb fence with spikes as if I were to injury myself if I tired to escape and I can see God’s promises of my future wife of Katharina Schuttler and my future children but I am afraid to ask God to help me because I know the answer of I have to wait awhile but I want Katharina Schuttler at this moment. 

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