Morning Of Wednesday 30 November 2016; A Night Of Emotional Suffering 

I feel like this again; too tired to do anything
This too, I feel the comfort sexual arousal for Katharina Schuttler as is symbolic of the resentment of the penis but I still feel tired although more physically tired than emotionally
There was one moment which was funny but painful of the incersion of the long needle of the UV medicine; the nurse explained to me my skin is taught of some sort of material of I was reminded of metal as the „Super Man“ man of steel and I was reminded of the Aryan man of „God is on the move“ and his muscular arms which comforted me since I felt desperately lonely for my Aryan brothers as the picture of the Aryan man of God Is on the move represents the entire Aryan brothers as I sense it. Before I missed my Aryan brothers I was so desperate for Katharina Schuttler of which I asked God to remove the severity of being physically alone because it was too heavy for me to handle and God listened to my request of which my desperately feeling of missing God transfer towards me Aryan Supremacist brothers

There was an occasion during the night of when I awoke. I awoke during the night and I felt a death like desperation for be physically with Katharina Schuttler and I start to communicate my feelings towards Jehovah God because I wanted to release my desperation but instead I felt much worse because I obtained a better picture of how I felt and I described the desperate feelings to the Salmon fish, I saw at the fish nursery and I told Jehovah God; I feel deadly as those fishes who are literally killing themselves but because the fish are suicidal but the fish are so desperate to fertilize the fish eggs of which the sexual urge is much stronger than one’s will to survive. I described to Jehovah God can I just have a physical introduction with Katharina Schuttler and live with her and I want to be married as soon as possible and I described the geographic and physical separations of Katharina Schuttler as the fense of which the Salmon were literally killing themselves to get over the fense to fertilize the female eggs of the Salmon and I asked God to rebuke the fense between me and Katharina Schuttler and I protect me and keep me safe, then I desperate feelings become too much for me to handle and I told God to please remove the desperate feelings and it is too much for me to handle then God transferred the desperate feelings towards my Aryan brothers as I deeply miss the connection of their Christian ministers and I asked God to reunite me with all of my Aryan brothers and the image of the Aryan man of God Is on the move become a sort of messenger of being connected by Christian ministry. I was able to fall asleep again but again I felt another sort of desperation for my Aryan brothers are a terror separation of separation felt terrible of I can’t be with them and I had dreams of I again sensed death of apartments building on a pier above the ocean and of a very stormy ocean with very high tides of the ocean waves entering inside the open doors of the apartment to wet the entrance but not flooding but I sense curiosity at looking at the water marks at the portal entrance of sliding doors of resemblance of my patio door at King Arthur’s court and I carefully looked at the waves of the ocean fiting and waves fingers of splash entering the apartment portals; then people at the apartment buildings began to panic and suddenly leave of which I knew I should leave the apartment but I didn’t sensed the panic urgency of quickly leaving and the apartment buildings was totally on the water with no land mass; it was while I left the apartment itself I sensed the death like feeling of being separated by my Aryan brothers but I didn’t panic but it was at that moment while I was sleeping another syncope occurred and I fell deep asleep and I didn’t sensed any emotional but during my dream of feeling trapped and completely separate by my Aryan brothers, I asked Jehovah God; why doesn’t this feelings of severity of separation and death feelings end I can’t escape this feeling while I am awake and I can’t escape this feelings while I am sleeping by don’t you allow for me to lose my consciousness so I won’t feel that dreaded feelings and I prayed a similar prayer for God to allow me to fall asleep so I won’t feel the Salmon killing to escape feelings and soon eventual I was able to sleep but I still have another death feelings of the minor isolated apartment building on the middle of the Pacific ocean; because the stormy waves I dreamt are uniquely the strom waves of the Pacific Northwest ocean and the weather outside was sunny and perhaps summer season but it wasn’t warm weather temperatures; it was the sun’s low summer season angles and the shadow was cast towards my side of the apartment building and perhaps the side I was, was exactly the East facing side of my apartment in 602 at Seattle; except I was on the first level of not so high building as King Arthur Court Apartments perhaps the building as four levels of apartments.  I awoke at 4:52 am and within 30 minutes I become ill; I started vomiting and started getting diarrhea but I felt much worse than my symptoms because I felt a heavy sense of dread and death but not like during the night; in the morning I sensed death was only being manifested in the symptoms itself but not myself in my mind and spirit only my body was reacting to the feeling of death. To feel death in one’s mind and soul is much worse than to body reaction to death but even though, I cried a little because I noticed how severe my body was reacting to the desperation of extreme sexual arousal as to such an extent of feeling death and my body was physically reacting to the death feeling and I had a strong sense of my body shouldn’t be reacting so severe to the feelings of death, I knew I wasn’t literally dying but still I had a strong feelings of my body was in the process of dying. Realizing the feeling my body dying was emotionally stressful and exhausting, I felt both an agitated hyperness and very drowsy such as I couldn’t be physically able to walk far. I went to the ER here at Bellingham of which I spent several hours and for the first time in my life I experienced an physical ailment of an ER is the only option. The doctor ordered two liquid medications via a tube inserted in a vain in my arm; one medicine was a sort of seditive because parts of my hand fell asleep and medicine for nutrients, the seditive was for the stomach cramps of which were severe or a number 8 but what was even more painful were the pain in my knees which eventually moved to most locations in my body. The insertion of the needle for the tube hurted much too; but because my hand fell asleep; I didn’t noticed nor felt when the nurse removed the needle but the needle had some of my blood drainage of a little blood of mine splattered on near the thumb of her gloves and eventual the death feeling ended by the memories of the Aryan man of God Is on the move and the other Aryan man of Greater; I first sense strongness of comfort of them as I felt the Holy Ghost being manifested by their images and now I realized the dream I had was symbolic of a emphoral of my body dying and God did used my brothers to rescue me and to bring youthful life and innocence again in me which also lead to clarity of all the deathness I felt and my natural arousal of my sexual excitement for Katharina Schuttler began again but now I sensed several types of comforted of in myself of the manifestion of the Holy Ghost; the loving compassion of my rescuing Aryan Supremacist brothers and the sexual compassion of Katharina Schuttler of the feeling of aiding and comforting me to fertilize her eggs to mean a sexual urge I sense from Katharina Schuttler of „I am for  comforting wife and your help“ in the eventuality of having extremely pleasurable sex in results in my sperm to will be fertilize the eggs of my perfectly made of mine Katharina Schuttler and now when I tell you how much I love you; you know know of everything of my sufferings I went to obtain my God given price of you, yourself and if God  we to give me a choice I would had told God I will literally go through anything and do anything in God’s will to eventually have my greatest sexual price of yourself, My very precious; My God given perfectly made wife of mine own Katharina Schuttler and I do love you very much!!!

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