Tuesday 11 October 2016: Off & On Stessful Day

I am writing this for Katharina Schuttler, I have off and on times of stress today or panic attacks, first was, today, was this morning, when I realized a soon to be marriage date, I am worried for my strong sexual arousal but the same time, the sensations of being emotionally overwhelmed by the physical sensations of sex. Then I was reminded of non related family members during my childhood and with them I did had emotionless reactions, just as the time, „Judy“ died. I can’t explain with but I sense deep past hurt of Brandon Heath, as if I experienced whatever happened to him. Perhaps, the shock of that Vancouver stuff has ended, I experienced a similar experience of grief, after one year after my mom’s death. The hurts is very severe that I can’t make sense of the deep hurt nor can I control how I feel. I feel uncomfortable with the mood swings because I start to read the Bible and I feel rejoice of the Holy Ghost and I sense some sort of emotional confusion, but whenever, I experience the stressful panicky, I become sleepy within an hour or so.

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